Roy Halladay Facts: Recap 1-200.

1. Roy Halladay is in fact a boss and a beast put together.
2. Fear itself fears Roy Halladay.
3. They call Roy “Doc” not because his last name sounds like the infamous gunslinger, but because he has a Ph.D in K’s.
4. Roy Halladay pitches right-handed, because it was too easy to pitch left-handed for him.

5. Roy is so good, he is making Kyle Kendrick better.
6. Roy once threw a curveball so well it struck out the batter’s future grandkids.
7. When Roy passes “Go”, he collects $600 dollars.
8. Roy is a descendant of infamous gunslinger, Doc Holliday. But instead of a six-shot revolver, Roy uses a 95 mile an hour fastball.
9. We can’t divide by zero, but Roy Halladay can!
10. Roy Halladay is the only true ace- it proves that unassisted manned flight is possible

11. Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Roy Halladay before going to sleep.

12. Brett Myers wasn’t re-signed because he didn’t want to embarrass Roy with his “awesomeness,” oh, I mean mediocrity.

13. Roy Halladay gives up a lone run, only so he can say he gave the opposing team a fighting chance before striking them out.

14. Roy Halladay told Tiger it was a bad idea to do what he did. But did Tiger listen?

15. Roy Halladay is so great he makes suicide commit life.

16. Roy Halladay might be a PECO agent. He is always puting opposing batter’s lights out.

17. Roy pitches right-handed because pitching left-handed was too easy.

18. Roy Halladay walks batters just because he can.

19. I won my Fantasy League with one player, Roy Halladay!

20. Roy found Waldo and Carmen San Diego, and then struck them out to retire the side.

21. If one were to successfully collect Roy’s sweat from a game and then drink it at midnight, he or she would be imbued with superpowers for 48 hours. The problem is that Roy doesn’t sweat. Sweating means that you are either nervous or exerting yourself, and Roy has no need for those.

22. Evil is constantly on the run now that Roy is with us.

23. Roy Halladay invented the Internet. When Al Gore tried to take credit, Halladay K’d him with a curve.

24. Roy Halladay isn’t left-handed, he’s bored.

25. As a 6 year old Roy Halladay once had 27 strikeouts. It was a Tee-ball league.

26. In Fantasy Baseball Leagues across the nation, the teams that have picked up Roy Halladay from the waiver wire have automatically won their league championship through forfeit. Other fantasy managers have realized that they stand no chance to Roy’s projected stats this season of 900IP, 0.00ERA, 0.00WHIP, 2,700Ks, 100W and 100S. One fantasy owner was reported as attempting to trade for Roy Halladay in his league, and had to give up Albert Pujols, $1000, and the rights to his own wife on Monday nights.

27. Cliff Lee was Roy Halladay in disguise

28. Roy Halladay once threw a changeup that the batter swung at three times, thus recording the first ever one pitch strike out. He has since done it 37 more times.

29. Roy is more powerful than Oprah.

30. Three things are certainties in life: death, taxes, and Roy Halladay

31. It is no coincidence that the FBI’s “best lead” in the Jimmy Hoffa case coincided with Roy’s first Spring Training  appearance. In fact, with each Spring Training appearance, a new mystery will be solved, including crop circles (aliens from Mars), where Bin Laden is hiding (Bolivia) and whether Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone (it was actually those two guys on the grassy knoll).

32. Roy Halladay’s curve ball is so good, it broke 12 to negative 6.

33. Roy Halladay is Agent 006.

34. Roy Halladay sees dead people… and when he does, he strikes them out – sending their spirits back to hell, where they belong.

35. No, sorry. Roy Halladay is not God.

36. Roy Halladay didn’t need to go to college, because he already has a Ph.D in Strikeouts from the Baseball powerhouse: Dominate Mastery University.

37. There are only three types of liars: liars, damn liars, and anyone who claims to have gotten a hit off of Roy Halladay.

38. Roy is a true American Idol.

39. The only reason Roy Halladay doesn’t have an official fan club at Citizens Bank Park like most Phillies do (yet) is because why does he need one? The crowd in any stadium is his fan club.

40. Darwin’s Theory says, “Survival of the fittest.” Roy Halladay’s Theory says, “The Mets will lose to Roy Halladay.”

41. Roy could throw left -handed and still strikeout 10 Mets batters

42. Roy’s two children once threw two perfect games. One the same day.

43. Roy Halladay wins Connect 4 in three moves.

44. After hearing that most of its employees where Mets, Red Sox, and Yankee Fans, Roy Halladay putLehman Bros. out of business.

45. The true reason behind K-Rod’s excessive celebrations? He is just thanking his lucky stars he does not have to hit Roy Halladay.

46. Brett Farve waffled on retirement because wasn’t he didn’t get to see enough of Roy Halladay.

46. The conflict between Georgia and Russia was actually caused by Georgia claiming it has a non-Philadelphia Era Roy Halladay rookie card. Putin didn’t take this news lightly and is trying to obtain this by force.

48. There’s no crying in baseball, unless Roy Halladay is pitching and you’re a Met or Yankee… or a Red Sox.

49. I invested in a 401k plan because I thought I was investing in Roy Halladay’s strikeout totals, and I would be rich.

50. Roy Halladay will single-handedly cause the Green Bay Packers to go 0-16, not because he doesn’t like the team, but because the Packers don’t want Favre to come back and to play for him. Roy will do this while pitching everyday for the Phillies, and will guide them to a sweep of all three rounds of the playoffs, including the World Series. Meanwhile, Favre will play football for the Eagles, and they will go 19-0.

51. Roy Halladay was drafted 1st overall in my fantasy football league. His dog, Royce, went second.

52. Roy Halladay doesn’t give up earned runs. Runs must earn Roy Halladay

53. Sorry Barack, the only CHANGE we can believe in is Roy’s changeup.

54. Roy Halladay is like God, but Roy only has one commandment that the batters follow: “Thou shall not hit”

55. Left Handed, Right Handed, it does not matter to Roy which side of the plate you hit from, you’re still not hitting off of him.

56. The terms “Runs at a Premium” was coined because of the lack of runs opponents scored off of Roy.

57. Roy Halladay is the reason why hitters stopped trying to hit.

58. MLB.com’s GameDay cannot properly calculate the trajectory of Roy Halladay’s curveball. Yes, it is a 2-8, but spans 3 giant clock lengths before crossing the plate.

59. Steinbrenner wanted to buy Roy for the Yankees. Roy threatened to buy the Yankees. Steinbrenner left him alone.

60. When Roy goes hunting he doesn’t use a gun. He uses baseballs.

61. Roy thinks that Liberty Bell Sports is the best website ever invented. Ever.

62. BWAHAHAHA! Mets.

63. Roy foresaw the impending upsets in the 2010 NCAA Basketball Championship and adjusted his brackets accordingly.

64. Roy knows the world isn’t going to end in 2012.

65. Roy Halladay’s kids could strike you out. Looking.

66. Nobody dares mentions Roy Halladay’s full name. It is said if one does, the “7 Biblical Plagues” fall upon him.

67. Jim Croce sung about how you should beware of a  guy in the South Side of Chicago by the name of “Big Bad” Leroy Brown. Yeah, well I say you should beware of “Big Bad” Leroy Harold Halladay who lives in Citizen’s Bank Park in South Philadelphia.

68. So when the Day of Reckoning arrives, Roy will be ready. When the Four Housemen of the Apocalypse appear, Roy will be ready for them too and the Stage of the Apocalypse will be set. Roy will strikeout out each of the Four Horsemen in the same inning, even though there are only three outs.

69. Roy Halladay knows where that place down on Tenth Street is.

70. Sorry, Roy’s not Jesus either. Ask that bearded guy, Werth.

71. There will be a new statistic implemented in Major League Baseball this season. It will be known as a “HallaK.” A “HallaK” is like a strikeout, but better. A “HallaK” lowers the ERA of the pitcher by .20 each “HallaK” earned. Not only does it lower the ERA but it drops the opponents batting average by .020. Only Roy Halladay can earn a “HallaK”

72. If Roy Halladay stops suddenly, Kyle Kendrick will break his nose on the back of Roy’s head.

73. You need no luck, to not know hesitation while facing Roy Halladay.

74. Why are tigers strong? Because Roy Halladay said so!

75. Fastball, Curveball, Changeup. It doesn’t matter to Roy, you still ain’t hitting it!

76. Roy Halladay is like the sun, only brighter.

77. LOST was originally just a TV show based on major league hitters trying to figure out how to hit Roy Halladay

78. Roy Halladay is currently involved in a lawsuit against the makers of the MLB 2k10 video game for copyright infringment on his ridiculous curveball.

79. Roy Halladay can catch a ball with a visor.

80. While you were reading this… Roy struck you out.

81. The president is not worried about his approval rating. He knows his lasting legacy will be that he wiped out the national debt by selling his non-Philadelphia era Roy Halladay rookie card

82. If the Expos drafted Roy Halladay… they’d still be playing in Montreal

83. The Mythbusters would have asked Roy Halladay to be on their show, but everyone knows Roy isn’t a myth, only the man and the legend.

84. Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins used to be atheists; then they saw Roy Halladay’s curveball

85. When you go to clock a Roy Halladay fastball, the Radar Gun will read “WOW!”

86. Hillary Clinton did not duck sniper fire in Bosnia… it was just a Roy Halladay fastball.

87. When batters argue a called third strike from Roy Halladay, it is only to debate exactly how awesome the pitch was.

88. The Devil went down to Georgia because he knew if he went to Philadelphia, Roy would strike his ass out.

89. Roy Halladay pays fans to jog around the bases as he stands on the mound, just so he can know how the rest of the pitchers feel.

90. Red Sox Nation is a dot in the middle of Roy Halladay’s world!

91. The Yankees may be Pedro’s daddy, but Roy Halladay makes the Yankees his bitch!

92. Roy Halladay can beat Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War: Mission 18 on Ace Mode in 30 seconds just by staring down Solo Wing’s Morgan.

93. Watching Roy pitch will not only lower your cholesterol, but your blood pressure and stress levels

94. Roy Halladay can: turn the greyest sky blue. Make it rain, whenever he wants it to. Build a castle from a single grain of sand. Make a ship sail on dry land. Fly like a bird in the sky. Buy anything that money can buy. Turn a river into a raging fire. Live forever, if he so desired. Turn back the hands of time (you better believe he can). Make the seasons change, just by waving his hand. The reason people carry around THE END IS NEAR signs is because Roy is pitching against their favorite team.

95. Roy Halladay does not throw a fastball. He throws a 78 mph change-up, and a 97 mph change-up.

96. For a person to be canonized for sainthood by the Catholic church, proof of at least one miracle needs to be established. Of all the miracles recognized, it can be said that no saint has ever gotten as much as a foul-tip off of a Roy Halladay pitch – and it may never be achieved.

97. A squared + B squared= Roy Halladay

98. Due to Roy Halladay, scientists have now changed Einstein’s Theory of Relativity to “E=A Roy Halladay changeup squared”.

99. Roy Halladay could be the fastest to 800 home runs, but he is too busy on his off days and inning breaks fighting crime.

100. Since Roy Halladay got bored of not walking anybody, he changed the amount of balls for a walk from four to one.

101. Roy Halladay once struck a man out looking. Literally. Roy just gazed at him and the batter was retired on strikes.

102. By converting to Halladay-ism, all the world’s religious problems would be solved.

103. Roy Halladay claims Zach Greinke on his taxes.

1

04. In a past life, Roy Halladay was Cy Young’s pitching Coach

105. A no-hitter in Roy Halladay’s book is where the term literally means the hitter doesn’t make contact with the ball. He hopes to have 34 by the end of his career.

106. Roy only knows three pitches: Strike 1, Strike 2, and Strike 3.

107. The newest product from Apple will be the iRoy, so anyone can produce a “K” on command.

108. ALL walks thrown by Roy Halladay are intentional.

109. For charity, Chad Ochocinco decided that he wanted to face Roy Halladay. He later realized that that’s just taking it too far.

110. Roy Halladay considers Citizens Bank Park to be a Pitcher’s Park

111. Roy Halladay once threw a pick off move to first and a pitch at the same time. The baserunner and batter were so confused they were both called out.

112. Roy had a 4 pitch inning with 3 strikeouts.

113. Research shows that if Nike had a commercial with just Roy Halladay standing and holding up one of their shoes, their sales would improve by about 55%.

114. According to recent reports, the U.S. Missile Defense System is actually Roy Halladay on Speed Dial.

115. Roy doesn’t pitch a knuckleball because his knuckleball is illegal in 43 out of the 50 states.

116. Roy Halladay put Stephen Colbert on notice.

117. At my graduation, our valedictorian thanked the teachers, faculty and Roy Halladay

118. Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin” is actually a song to give hope to all those who face Roy Halladay. Needless to say, the song is lying.

119. Finger Eleven’s “Paralyzer” is actually a song about Roy Halladay’s curveball and how it leaves hitters paralyzed. Needless to say, the song is correct.

120. 9 out of 10 guys who read this site want to switch hit one night for Roy Halladay.

121. Roy Halladay COULD throw a no-hitter every night, but then we would feel sorry for all the fans that pay to see a good game, so he makes the game close.

122. Roy Halladay eats Capt’n Crunch every morning for breakfast– never once has it cut the roof of his mouth.

123. You think Randy Johnson’s bird-killing fastball was awesome? Roy Halladay killed a Pterodactyl with a changeup.

124. Bachman-Turner Overdrive’s song, “Taking Care of Business” is based loosely on Roy Halladay’s starts. He always takes care of business on and off the mound.

125. In the words of Julius Caesar, “Veni, Vidi, Vici, Roy Halladay.” Translation: I came, I saw, I struck out against Roy Halladay.

126. You don’t mess with Texas… but Roy Halladay has.

127. Roy Halladay’s pitches are so confusing and have so much “action” that they fool the speed gun into reading 91 to 93 when they are really closer to 128 MPH.

128. Roy Halladay is the true reason why Waldo is hiding.

129. Jeeves asks Roy Halladay

130. Roy Halladay once struck out a hitter so bad, his kids struck out.

131. King Leonidas needed “300″. Roy would of only needed 1.

132. Roy Halladay could throw left-handed and STILL strikeout 10 Yankees.

133. Roy Halladay wouldn’t have had to say “I want these mother f@c%ing snakes of this mother f@c%ing plane!” The snakes would have sensed the awesome presence of Roy and acted accordingly, by getting off the mother f@c%ing plane.

134. Roy Halladay can make SEPTA come on time.

135. Roy Halladay defies the laws of Physics. Everyone knows you can not break the laws of Physics. So scientists had to develop a new theory which has now become universally known as the “Roy Halladay Law”.

136. Roy Halladay’ calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Roy Halladay!

137. Roy Halladay knows how much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

138. Roy Halladay sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled pitching ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Roy hit the devil with a pitch and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

139. Roy Halladay joined the Marines once. Remember that war with Iran and North Korea ? Neither do I.

140. Roy Halladay is so cool he never needs to flip the pillow.

141. Roy Halladay’s chief export is K’s.

142. Roy Halladay’s chief imports are Wins and Cy Young Awards.

143. New Yorkers and Americans across the country were offended that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia because they were expecting Roy Halladay. President Ahmadinejad claimed there are no homosexuals in Iran, but then he saw a picture of Roy Halladay. He has now redacted this claim.

144. Roy Halladay has a calming effect on Milton Bradley.

145. Its not the RHF hasn’t been updated… Roy has started to read all the facts and it would be rude to make him catch up.

146. Three things effect the tides: Full moon, New moon, and a sinker from Roy Halladay.

147.  Roy knows his calculus: “You+Me=K”

148. Roy Halladay has a calming effect on Jose Offerman

149. Why do the Phillies lead the league in runs scored? They never have to face Roy Halladay!

150. A suicide squeeze is considered just that: suicide when facing down Halladay’s deadly fastball.

151. Roy Halladay won’t pitch a perfect game every time out because, like a cat, he prefers to play with the mice first.

152. Department of Homeland Security is just a fancy name for Roy’s sinker.

153. Roy Halladay cut his hair and donated it to “Locks of Love” so an 11-year-old cancer patient, Kelly, could feel normal. Upon receiving Roy’s hair, she instantly was cured of cancer, grew 9 inches, and can throw a change up that even Roy is impressed with.

154. Bungie (The creators of Halo) were thinking of new weapons to put into the game. They came up with the idea of basing a weapon off of Roy Halladay’s fastball. However, they decided to scrap the idea because no other weapon could compare to that speed and power.

155. Roy told Bon Jovi he can’t go home.

156. Roy Halladay will win the Time Man Of The Year Award in 2012 when he saves the world on Dec. 21 at 11:11 am, proving Darren Daulton wrong.

157. If Roy could play hockey, he could deke Sidney Crosby in a phone booth.

158. Roy’s so badass he doesn’t throw strikes–he just tells batters they’re out.

159. Roy Halladay got a hole in one on a par 5 and said, “This is too easy- I’m sticking with baseball.”

160. Roy eradicated the swine flu with a 3-2 fastball on the inside corner .

161. While reading this website, one’s intellectual capabilities are increased due to Roy Halladay’s extrahuman sense of knowing who is praising him. He makes sure that even though people are not paying attention in school or work to read this website, they still do well.

162. The United States economy is not in recession. It just stepped out of the batter’s box, rather than face another Roy Halladay sinker.

163. Roy Halladay can read Lady Gaga’s poker face.

164. Roy Halladay has always known that there are ties in the NFL.

165. The application of mental or physical torture in order to obtain information or confession from a prisoner is commonly referred to as the “third degree”. The only confirmed act that guarantees 100% success in securing information is showing the prisoner a life-size cutout of Roy Halladay holding a baseball, from 60′6″ away.

166. Roy Halladay has his own Periodic Table of Elements. This consists of 1F (fastball), 2Cv (curveball), 3Cg (changeup), 4Sk (sinker), and 5Fu (brushback). Exposure to 5Fu is guaranteed instant death.

167. Roy Halladay is the only person who is legally allowed to hunt any animal from a helicopter. He just throws fastballs at them, and occasionally at Sarah Palin to make sure she understands the “law”.

168. Joe the Plumber voted for Roy Halladay. He is the most brilliant plumber ever.

169. Roy Halladay’s blood type is “K”

170. Every time Roy Halladay throws a strike, a puppy is born.

171. Roy Halladay’s fastball can single handily stop illegal immigration, former President Bush was too afraid to ask though.

172. John Kruk didn’t use Nutrisystem to lose weight. He used a steady diet of Roy Halladay sinkers.

173. Roy is neither Arab nor Israeli. So stop fighting about it!

174. Roy Halladay spelled backwards is YadallaH Yor. Still, Roy Halladay is a palindrome.

175. Roy Halladay is so impressive that he would even impress himself, if he were capable of being impressed, which is just ridiculous.

176. Roy pitches with his eyes closed and left-handed, just to keep it fair.

177. What is never a problem but always the answer? Roy Halladay.

178. A little-known feature in MLB 10: The Show comes when you try to play a game as the Phillies with Roy Halladay. As soon as the game starts, an animation of the other team forfeiting happens, and a message saying “You win!” appears. A digital Bud Selig then appears and hands Roy the World Series trophy, even if it’s an exhibition game.

179. There is a Starting Pitcher, Relief Pitcher, Closer, and Roy Halladay.

180. Did you know that Roy Halladay is the only person able to make money in a bear market?

181. Roy Halladay can throw a pitch that even God can’t hit.

182. Roy Halladay once threw a curve ball so well that the batter’s children struck out.

183. Kanye West almost needed to pay Roy Halladay royalties to release that “Jesus Walks” song, but Roy let it go, because he doesn’t walk anyone so it couldn’t really be about him.

184. Compared to Roy Halladay, opposing pitchers are so crappy they give Pepto Bismol the runs.

185. When Roy gets takeout, he uses one chopstick. When he breaks open his fortune cookie, it reads: “You’re Roy Halladay. Lucky Numbers- You tell me.”

186. By law, Roy is forbidden to play on any work softball team.

187. Roy Halladay was Julia Robert’s body double in Pretty Woman. It was the scene where the hooker strikes out 27 consecutive batters during a wiffle ball contest and then beats up 11 rival hookers. The scene was cut from the final by the MPAA because it was too intense for the PG-13 audience.

188. Roy Halladay warned former President George W. Bush it wasn’t a good idea.

189. Roy’s curveball is so deadly it used considered a federal offense. Roy had to get himself elected to the Supreme Court in order to change the law.

190. Fun Fact about Rembrandt van Rijn, his paintings didn’t sell at all early in his career, why?……….. Roy only taught him how to paint the corners.

191. Pedro Martinez has been quoted as saying “Wake up the darn Bambino, maybe I’ll drill him in the booty.” Roy Halladay laighs at these silly and foolish hypotheticals.

192. Roy knows the evil that lurks in every man.

193. Roy Halladay logged on to royhalladayfacts.wordpress.com one day and laughed so hard that New York broke away from the continental United States and sank into the sea. Roy was pissed because now it meant that he now needed to get wet in order to peg Alex Rodriguez in the head.

194. Roy’s heater is the primary cause of gas prices increasing drastically.

195. 36 countries have national defense strategies designed to protect themselves against Roy’s right arm. These plans are futile.

196. Roy Halladay only needs two seams to throw a four seam fastball.

197. To solve the number of immigrants crossing U.S. borders, the government will use Roy to “plunk” any illegal immigrants. Roy will monitor the borders from a distance and take out any illegals crossing the border. Government believes that after a few immigrants get hit, the crossing of the border will cease to exist in fears of the Roy Halladay fastball at their heads.

198. Roy could of convicted O.J.

199. Bruce Springsteen penned his hit song “Dead Man Walkin’” as an ode to a frustrated, doomed hitter on his way to the batter’s box to face Roy Halladay. The original lyrics read, “‘Neath a summer sky my eyes went black/Sister I won’t ask for forgiveness/An 0-for-3 with 3 Ks are all I have.”

200. Roy Halladay is awesome.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s