1. Roy Halladay is in fact a boss and a beast put together.
2. Fear itself fears Roy Halladay.
3. They call Roy “Doc” not because his last name sounds like the infamous gunslinger, but because he has a Ph.D in K’s.
4. Roy Halladay pitches right-handed, because it was too easy to pitch left-handed for him.
5. Roy is so good, he is making Kyle Kendrick better.
6. Roy once threw a curveball so well it struck out the batter’s future grandkids.
7. When Roy passes “Go”, he collects $600 dollars.
8. Roy is a descendant of infamous gunslinger, Doc Holliday. But instead of a six-shot revolver, Roy uses a 95 mile an hour fastball.
9. We can’t divide by zero, but Roy Halladay can!
10. Roy Halladay is the only true ace- it proves that unassisted manned flight is possible
11. Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Roy Halladay before going to sleep.
12. Brett Myers wasn’t re-signed because he didn’t want to embarrass Roy with his “awesomeness,” oh, I mean mediocrity.
13. Roy Halladay gives up a lone run, only so he can say he gave the opposing team a fighting chance before striking them out.
14. Roy Halladay told Tiger it was a bad idea to do what he did. But did Tiger listen?
15. Roy Halladay is so great he makes suicide commit life.
16. Roy Halladay might be a PECO agent. He is always puting opposing batter’s lights out.
17. Roy pitches right-handed because pitching left-handed was too easy.
18. Roy Halladay walks batters just because he can.
19. I won my Fantasy League with one player, Roy Halladay!
20. Roy found Waldo and Carmen San Diego, and then struck them out to retire the side.
21. If one were to successfully collect Roy’s sweat from a game and then drink it at midnight, he or she would be imbued with superpowers for 48 hours. The problem is that Roy doesn’t sweat. Sweating means that you are either nervous or exerting yourself, and Roy has no need for those.
22. Evil is constantly on the run now that Roy is with us.
23. Roy Halladay invented the Internet. When Al Gore tried to take credit, Halladay K’d him with a curve.
24. Roy Halladay isn’t left-handed, he’s bored.
25. As a 6 year old Roy Halladay once had 27 strikeouts. It was a Tee-ball league.
26. In Fantasy Baseball Leagues across the nation, the teams that have picked up Roy Halladay from the waiver wire have automatically won their league championship through forfeit. Other fantasy managers have realized that they stand no chance to Roy’s projected stats this season of 900IP, 0.00ERA, 0.00WHIP, 2,700Ks, 100W and 100S. One fantasy owner was reported as attempting to trade for Roy Halladay in his league, and had to give up Albert Pujols, $1000, and the rights to his own wife on Monday nights.
27. Cliff Lee was Roy Halladay in disguise
28. Roy Halladay once threw a changeup that the batter swung at three times, thus recording the first ever one pitch strike out. He has since done it 37 more times.
29. Roy is more powerful than Oprah.
30. Three things are certainties in life: death, taxes, and Roy Halladay
31. It is no coincidence that the FBI’s “best lead” in the Jimmy Hoffa case coincided with Roy’s first Spring Training appearance. In fact, with each Spring Training appearance, a new mystery will be solved, including crop circles (aliens from Mars), where Bin Laden is hiding (Bolivia) and whether Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone (it was actually those two guys on the grassy knoll).
32. Roy Halladay’s curve ball is so good, it broke 12 to negative 6.
33. Roy Halladay is Agent 006.
34. Roy Halladay sees dead people… and when he does, he strikes them out – sending their spirits back to hell, where they belong.
35. No, sorry. Roy Halladay is not God.
36. Roy Halladay didn’t need to go to college, because he already has a Ph.D in Strikeouts from the Baseball powerhouse: Dominate Mastery University.
37. There are only three types of liars: liars, damn liars, and anyone who claims to have gotten a hit off of Roy Halladay.
38. Roy is a true American Idol.
39. The only reason Roy Halladay doesn’t have an official fan club at Citizens Bank Park like most Phillies do (yet) is because why does he need one? The crowd in any stadium is his fan club.
40. Darwin’s Theory says, “Survival of the fittest.” Roy Halladay’s Theory says, “The Mets will lose to Roy Halladay.”
41. Roy could throw left -handed and still strikeout 10 Mets batters
42. Roy’s two children once threw two perfect games. One the same day.
43. Roy Halladay wins Connect 4 in three moves.
44. After hearing that most of its employees where Mets, Red Sox, and Yankee Fans, Roy Halladay putLehman Bros. out of business.
45. The true reason behind K-Rod’s excessive celebrations? He is just thanking his lucky stars he does not have to hit Roy Halladay.
46. Brett Farve waffled on retirement because wasn’t he didn’t get to see enough of Roy Halladay.
46. The conflict between Georgia and Russia was actually caused by Georgia claiming it has a non-Philadelphia Era Roy Halladay rookie card. Putin didn’t take this news lightly and is trying to obtain this by force.
48. There’s no crying in baseball, unless Roy Halladay is pitching and you’re a Met or Yankee… or a Red Sox.
49. I invested in a 401k plan because I thought I was investing in Roy Halladay’s strikeout totals, and I would be rich.
50. Roy Halladay will single-handedly cause the Green Bay Packers to go 0-16, not because he doesn’t like the team, but because the Packers don’t want Favre to come back and to play for him. Roy will do this while pitching everyday for the Phillies, and will guide them to a sweep of all three rounds of the playoffs, including the World Series. Meanwhile, Favre will play football for the Eagles, and they will go 19-0.
51. Roy Halladay was drafted 1st overall in my fantasy football league. His dog, Royce, went second.
52. Roy Halladay doesn’t give up earned runs. Runs must earn Roy Halladay
53. Sorry Barack, the only CHANGE we can believe in is Roy’s changeup.
54. Roy Halladay is like God, but Roy only has one commandment that the batters follow: “Thou shall not hit”
55. Left Handed, Right Handed, it does not matter to Roy which side of the plate you hit from, you’re still not hitting off of him.
56. The terms “Runs at a Premium” was coined because of the lack of runs opponents scored off of Roy.
57. Roy Halladay is the reason why hitters stopped trying to hit.
58. MLB.com’s GameDay cannot properly calculate the trajectory of Roy Halladay’s curveball. Yes, it is a 2-8, but spans 3 giant clock lengths before crossing the plate.
59. Steinbrenner wanted to buy Roy for the Yankees. Roy threatened to buy the Yankees. Steinbrenner left him alone.
60. When Roy goes hunting he doesn’t use a gun. He uses baseballs.
61. Roy thinks that Liberty Bell Sports is the best website ever invented. Ever.
62. BWAHAHAHA! Mets.
63. Roy foresaw the impending upsets in the 2010 NCAA Basketball Championship and adjusted his brackets accordingly.
64. Roy knows the world isn’t going to end in 2012.
65. Roy Halladay’s kids could strike you out. Looking.
66. Nobody dares mentions Roy Halladay’s full name. It is said if one does, the “7 Biblical Plagues” fall upon him.
67. Jim Croce sung about how you should beware of a guy in the South Side of Chicago by the name of “Big Bad” Leroy Brown. Yeah, well I say you should beware of “Big Bad” Leroy Harold Halladay who lives in Citizen’s Bank Park in South Philadelphia.
68. So when the Day of Reckoning arrives, Roy will be ready. When the Four Housemen of the Apocalypse appear, Roy will be ready for them too and the Stage of the Apocalypse will be set. Roy will strikeout out each of the Four Horsemen in the same inning, even though there are only three outs.
69. Roy Halladay knows where that place down on Tenth Street is.
70. Sorry, Roy’s not Jesus either. Ask that bearded guy, Werth.
71. There will be a new statistic implemented in Major League Baseball this season. It will be known as a “HallaK.” A “HallaK” is like a strikeout, but better. A “HallaK” lowers the ERA of the pitcher by .20 each “HallaK” earned. Not only does it lower the ERA but it drops the opponents batting average by .020. Only Roy Halladay can earn a “HallaK”
72. If Roy Halladay stops suddenly, Kyle Kendrick will break his nose on the back of Roy’s head.
73. You need no luck, to not know hesitation while facing Roy Halladay.
74. Why are tigers strong? Because Roy Halladay said so!
75. Fastball, Curveball, Changeup. It doesn’t matter to Roy, you still ain’t hitting it!
76. Roy Halladay is like the sun, only brighter.
77. LOST was originally just a TV show based on major league hitters trying to figure out how to hit Roy Halladay
78. Roy Halladay is currently involved in a lawsuit against the makers of the MLB 2k10 video game for copyright infringment on his ridiculous curveball.
79. Roy Halladay can catch a ball with a visor.
80. While you were reading this… Roy struck you out.
81. The president is not worried about his approval rating. He knows his lasting legacy will be that he wiped out the national debt by selling his non-Philadelphia era Roy Halladay rookie card
82. If the Expos drafted Roy Halladay… they’d still be playing in Montreal
83. The Mythbusters would have asked Roy Halladay to be on their show, but everyone knows Roy isn’t a myth, only the man and the legend.
84. Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins used to be atheists; then they saw Roy Halladay’s curveball
85. When you go to clock a Roy Halladay fastball, the Radar Gun will read “WOW!”
86. Hillary Clinton did not duck sniper fire in Bosnia… it was just a Roy Halladay fastball.
87. When batters argue a called third strike from Roy Halladay, it is only to debate exactly how awesome the pitch was.
88. The Devil went down to Georgia because he knew if he went to Philadelphia, Roy would strike his ass out.
89. Roy Halladay pays fans to jog around the bases as he stands on the mound, just so he can know how the rest of the pitchers feel.
90. Red Sox Nation is a dot in the middle of Roy Halladay’s world!
91. The Yankees may be Pedro’s daddy, but Roy Halladay makes the Yankees his bitch!
92. Roy Halladay can beat Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War: Mission 18 on Ace Mode in 30 seconds just by staring down Solo Wing’s Morgan.
93. Watching Roy pitch will not only lower your cholesterol, but your blood pressure and stress levels
94. Roy Halladay can: turn the greyest sky blue. Make it rain, whenever he wants it to. Build a castle from a single grain of sand. Make a ship sail on dry land. Fly like a bird in the sky. Buy anything that money can buy. Turn a river into a raging fire. Live forever, if he so desired. Turn back the hands of time (you better believe he can). Make the seasons change, just by waving his hand. The reason people carry around THE END IS NEAR signs is because Roy is pitching against their favorite team.
95. Roy Halladay does not throw a fastball. He throws a 78 mph change-up, and a 97 mph change-up.
96. For a person to be canonized for sainthood by the Catholic church, proof of at least one miracle needs to be established. Of all the miracles recognized, it can be said that no saint has ever gotten as much as a foul-tip off of a Roy Halladay pitch – and it may never be achieved.
97. A squared + B squared= Roy Halladay
98. Due to Roy Halladay, scientists have now changed Einstein’s Theory of Relativity to “E=A Roy Halladay changeup squared”.
99. Roy Halladay could be the fastest to 800 home runs, but he is too busy on his off days and inning breaks fighting crime.
100. Since Roy Halladay got bored of not walking anybody, he changed the amount of balls for a walk from four to one.
101. Roy Halladay once struck a man out looking. Literally. Roy just gazed at him and the batter was retired on strikes.
102. By converting to Halladay-ism, all the world’s religious problems would be solved.
103. Roy Halladay claims Zach Greinke on his taxes.